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April 1, 2009

8

Microsoft Announces Windows Serenity

by David Spira
Windows Serenity

Windows Serenity

In an unexpected press conference Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer announced the successor to Windows Vista’s successor Windows 7, Windows Serenity.

“For the past decade Microsoft has rested on its indomitable market share. We are still the leading personal computing platform, but we can see the writing on the wall. People aren’t happy with Microsoft, with our products and as a responsible, forward-thinking software company we are going to change course,” Ballmer stated.

He continued to say, “A yearlong study on user expectations has revealed that users want a simple, elegant, and stable operating system. We will deliver just that.”

Ballmer went on to explain that previous user expectations research reported that the average user sought a “complicated, slow, and malware susceptible machine that returns popup warnings on a regular basis.” “We give the people what they want,” Ballmer said with a chuckle.

The CEO concluded, “Microsoft is well-known for it’s adaptability, innovation, and ahead of the curve thinking. We are the people who brought you some of the most complicated and convoluted mass-market operating systems that the world has ever seen… surely we can build a simple, user-friendly platform.”

While there is no official release date for Windows Serenity, sources from within Microsoft who seem incapable of containing leaks, say that the operating system should find its way to store shelves in early 2011.

Steve Ballmer - Yes We Can!

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8 Comments Post a comment
  1. Apr 1 2009

    You can’t April Fool me Geek Whisperer…

    Reply
  2. Apr 1 2009

    What gave me away? Was it the date?

    Reply
  3. Mark
    Apr 1 2009

    No. I don’t think even Ballmer would say “surly” for “surely”.

    And don’t call him Shirley, either.

    (that’s a joke from the old Airplane movie. If you haven’t seen that one, that needs to go on your list right after The Natural.

    Reply
  4. Apr 1 2009

    Look at that… I misquoted a fake quote. Damn typos.

    And I’ve seen Airplane.

    Reply
  5. Mark
    Apr 1 2009

    And you want to be my website editor….

    Reply
  6. Apr 1 2009

    I know that my computer would like a smarter human, but it’s stuck with me.

    Reply

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