Go See “Cabin in the Woods” (2012)
Non-Spoilery
I’m not a fan of the horror genre. So when I say that Cabin in the Woods (2012) is a great movie, I don’t mean that it’s great, for a horror movie. I mean that it’s a genuinely an excellent movie.
Cabin is very upfront with the viewer about what it is. The very first frame of the opening credits tells you exactly what you’re there to watch, and then it’s humorously quirky characters and unusual plot take care of the rest.
My favorite thing about Cabin is that it really sticks it to the horror genre for its predictability and sameness.
Cabin in the Woods is smart, unusual, fast-paced, and very self-aware, but not in an obnoxious way. It’s also thrilling but not terrifying. Go see it.
Spoilery
Drew Goddard and Joss Whedon did something special here. The details in this film are just killer.
Making a distinction between “Zombies” & “Zombie Redneck Torture Family,” or “Witches” & “Sexy Witches” was not a necessary detail, but the kind of thing that sets this film apart from lots of other horror movies. Plus, a homicidal unicorn that actually makes sense within the story!?
Is "Kevin" a Sin City reference?
I also love the ending. Everyone gets punished for their transgressions. As I watched our two heroes sit on the steps in the last scenes I realized as they did that this was the only way to end the story. It was strangely refreshing to watch the world end, because someone always seems to save it; even when it doesn’t make sense.
(Image via Bleeding Cool)
Best of Funny Christmas Movies, TV & Music
Surviving another month in the “holiday spirit” echo chamber made me ponder, “Which of these movies, television episodes, and songs do I actually enjoy?”
Best Christmas Movie
Winner
Die Hard (1988) - ”Now I have a machine gun. Ho ho ho.” It’s a tale of redemption set on Christmas. That makes it a Christmas movie. Deal with it.
Runner-up
Elf (2003) – Everyone likes this movie. If you don’t I recon you might be one of those damned communists.
Best Christmas Television Episode
Winner
South Park – Woodland Critter Christmas (Season 8, Episode 14, 2004) – Stan helps some adorable Woodland Critters give birth to their savior. Insanity ensues. This isn’t for the faint of heart, or for young children.
Runner-up
Futurama – Xmas Story (Season 2, Episode 8 1999) – 1,000 years in the future, a robotic santa (John Goodman) distributes gifts on Xmas. Robot Santa’s behavior standards were set too high in the factory and he judges everyone as naughty… And tried to murder them for their misdeeds.
Best Christmas Song
Winner
O Holy Night – Matt Mulholland - Be sure to read the description of this song, and stick around for the crescendo at the end; Mulholland has exceptional vocal range.
Runner-up
The Night Santa Went Crazy - Weird Al Yankovic
Happy Holidays!
Cancel the Oscars, Here’s “Battleship” the Movie
Sure adapting the classic board game Battleship for a movie seemed a little strange, but I gave it the benefit of the doubt. Maybe the movie would be a WWII naval extravaganza like Pearl Harbor (without sucking), or some Cold War ear Hunt For Red October with more explosions and less Alec Baldwin. Nope.
Now that some trailers are available it’s clear that “adapted’ is the wrong word, “mangled” is more accurate.
Judging a movie by the trailer is typically a bad idea, but this is clearly the proverbial exception. This dreck looks like someone dumped Battleship (the game) and Transformers 2 into a Blendtec Blender for a rousing game of “Will It Blend?” The answer is, yes, it will blend, but I wouldn’t recommend drinking it.
That trailer looks like it was yanked from Michael Bay’s porn collection.
I dub thee, Battleshit.
(Image via IMDB)
The Star Wars Saga – Here’s the Order to Watch Them
George Lucas is milking Star Wars again with a new release of the entire saga on blu-ray with new special effects, deleted scenes & three documentaries… But Greedo still shoots first.
The natural inclination is to watch these films in numerical order: I, II, III, IV, V, VI.
Don’t do that.
My preference is to watch them in the order of their release because that’s the natural way that the story unfolds: IV, V, VI, I, II, III.
However after a long drawn-out conversation with some friends I’m willing bend a little and go with this order: IV, V, I, II, III, VI. This order lets you see Luke’s story unfold, followed by Anakin’s, and both of their narratives collide and resolve in the final chapter.
Either option is solid, just please don’t watch them in numerical order. Every time a person watches Star Wars in numerical order Yoda sheds a tear.
“The movie was bad, but the special effects were great!”
If I had a dollar for every time I walked out of a movie in the last two decades and said:
“Well the plot was lame; the characters were awful; but the special effects were awesome!”
I’d still be pissed because I lost $9.00 on a crappy movie instead of $10.00.
A few examples
Star Wars: The Phantom Menace was terrible, but dammit, the special effects were great.
Avatar was trite, but dammit, the special effects were great.
Green Lantern made me sad, but dammit, the special effects were great.
The Clash of the Titans remake defecates on the original, but dammit, the special effects were great.
And don’t even get me started on Indiana Jones & the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull or any of the Transformers movies.
No longer good enough
"Release the puppet!"
For a long time I was ok with a crappy plot, and faulty characters so long as the effects were cool. It was a fair trade.
This weekend I came to the realization that it is no longer ok. It’s almost 2012 (2012, that’s another one), and every movie that demands effects has good special effects. It’s just not enough for a movie to just have good special effects.
If a movie can’t back up the special effects with some substance, I can’t be bothered with it anymore.
Stunning Live Action “Portal” Short
Portal fans, prepare to have your mind blown.Dan Trachtenberg’s seven minute short film.
Full-length feature please… But only for science.
Actor Wil Wheaton Explains Why the Entertainment Industry Causes Piracy
Actor/ geek Wil Wheaton (Stand By Me, The Guild, Eureka) explains why the entertainment causes piracy through stupidity.
I haven’t really pirated anything in a very long time because I earn enough money to pay for my own stuff. However I have bittorrented movies, music & games after purchasing legit versions simply because the cracked versions were more user-friendly than the locked-down crap I paid for.
Also, it’s become clear that pirates are also the best customers.
(Via techdirt)
