Jerks, NJ Transit & Wardrobe Selection

Riding the last train to New Jersey from New York Penn Station on a Friday night is always an experience. You are guaranteed at least one total ass in each train car; it says so on the ticket. My trip back this evening was no exception.

I spent my night with two friends that I hadn’t seen in nine years. It was a lot of fun because the last time I saw them we spent three weeks camping and sea kayaking our way through the Virgin Islands. Even after nine years, it was amazing to see them. So much had changed in all of our lives, yet I felt like no time had passed.

Anyway, back to my train ride home. I ended up sitting next to the ass of the car and his girlfriend. His green pastel button down shirt, designer jeans, greased-up faux hawk, and popped collar screamed “I’M AN ASS!!!” His girlfriend was barely clothed, and exceptionally drunk after a night of celebrating her 21st birthday. I can say with confidence that her jewelry was covering about as much of her body as her clothing. As a consequence, a number of people in neighboring seats were leering, or outright staring at her. Both her and her boyfriend, henceforth refereed to as Mr. & Ms. Ass weren’t pleased with the gazes, and proceeded to scream at the guys across the way.

4_popped-collars_cool

I’ve got to say that Mr. & Ms. Ass were completely nuts. As are any other people who leave portions of their body exposed, and then become up angry, insulted, embarrassed, etc. when someone checks them out. Now, I have the utmost respect for women, and leering isn’t my style, but please hear out my logic.

When you go to a museum the objects on display are behind glass. This is specifically so that people can see the object.

When one wears clothing that reveals a body part, that individual is putting that part on display. If one doesn’t wish to have her parts viewed, she should wear something that is opaque and covers some area, or accept that parts are on display, and consequently inviting viewership.

If I didn’t want you to read my writing, I wouldn’t publish it in a public place.

After the screaming match with the staring men, Mr. Ass realized that Ms. Ass lost his car keys and they spent the rest of the ride raging on each other.

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