Introducing the iProbe

As iPads ship around the world, Apple is already preparing to launch it’s next game changing product; this time with an unexpected partner.

Last night, Apple and Google held a meeting of top executives from a number of different industries to demonstrate their new joint-venture, the iProbe.

“The iProbe is in essence an iPad, with a small change that has huge implications,” said Steve Jobs as he revealed the device to his private audience.

“Many people are upset that the iPad is shipping without a camera. Well, we had decided that we didn’t want to include a camera with the iPad unless we were able to do something really fantastic, and that’s just what we’ve done here.” Jobs continued to explain that tip of the probe housed a small but powerful 10 megapixel camera. “Not only will you be able to take amazing photographs with this camera, it will allow you to photograph things that you previously had to go to the doctor to take a picture of.”

Jobs went on to explain that the iProbe contains a thermometer; a “small pulsing motor for use if the iProbe becomes stuck;” and an aluminum unibody design, so that there are no sharp edges or seams.

At this point Jobs turned the presentation over to Google CEO Eric Schmidt who explained his company’s unexpected role in the iProbe.

Schmidt described Google’s role as centered on “data gathering and processing.” “Google has such a robust collection of data that we can pretty much market anything. We know what our users like, what they dislike, and what they want to buy. Now with the iProbe, we will begin to drill deeper into our users data to help them make better health decisions.”

Schmidt went on to describe the business model, “We will continue to do what we have always done: Provide great free software in exchange for the user’s data… Except instead of mining intellectual data, we will be mining health data. The possibilities for good are truly endless.”

Schmidt concluded by revealing that Google hopes to “fix our healthcare system by rendering doctors obsolete by 2020.” “With the volume of data that we expect to have at our disposal, there is no reason why our algorithms won’t surpass the average doctor’s diagnostic abilities over the next few years.” The first three health applications that will be available at launch are tentatively named Gprobe, iThermometer, and Google Gyno. He did not go into any detail about how these applications will work, or the kind of data that they will harvest, but he did say, “they are just incredible.”

Apple and Google have not announced when the iProbe will go on sale, however analysts expect that it will ship in time for the holidays, along with a number of comfort and sanitary accessories.

On a related note, The Geek Whisperer has attained a copy of a leaked internal email where Jobs responds to a senior executive’s concern over the “potential for privacy infringements.” Jobs’ reply made his opinion crystal clear:

“You and every other critic have a simple choice, buy an iProbe, or don’t. Either way you can @#$% yourself.”

Syndicated by The Geek Whisperer.

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