“What is the ‘Transformers 2 Test?'”
I’m so glad you asked.
Have you ever received a movie recommendation from someone who’s taste is either unknown or questionable?
Of course you have.
When approached with a questionable movie recommendation, you need to have a quick and easy way to determine whether this person’s suggestion is worth the time it takes to look at the reviews, or put it on your Netflix cue. The solution is the “Transformers 2 Test.”
All you have to do is ask the suggester, one simple question:
“What is your opinion on Michael Bay’s Transformers 2?”
If the suggester responds with anything short of, “Transformers 2 was terrible,” then don’t watch anything that he/she suggests.
Remember, there is no defense for Transformers 2. None.
Why Transformers 2, and not some other bad movie?
For this test to work, you need a movie that has the following traits:
- No coherent plot
- No substantive, believable, or remotely relatable characters
- Actors who are completely devoid of charisma
- It can’t be so bad it’s good/ funny
- Mainstream success on the level that a lot of people actually saw it
This excludes:
- Battlefield Earth because John Travolta and Forest Whitaker have charisma
- Gigli because no one saw it
- Commando/ Missing in Action/ Every other 80s action movie because they are so bad they are funny
And that’s why Transformers 2 is the test.
The Geek Whisperer 
You know, I have to say that Transformers 2 wasn’t all bad. Sure, the plot was stretched reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaally thin, and both Megan Fox and Shia LaHoweverhisnameisspelled were pretty wooden in their acting, and the only funny part was when his mom got high on the pot brownie, and the Autobot “twins” were so ghetto it was excruciatingly painful, at least it had Peter Cullen voicing Optimus Prime.