Breaking News: Shia LaBeouf to Destroy More Childhood Classics

Shia LaBeouf is reportedly signing a multi-picture deal to wreck classic television and film franchises.

Ninja Turtles

LaBeouf appeared on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon last night and announced that he will be starring in the live action sequel of the Ninja Turtles.

“It’s a continuation of the live action movies from when I was a kid,” LaBeouf explained. “It’s set like 15 years after they visited ancient Japan, and you find out that April and Raphael like… had a kid. He joins the team, but instead of using old-timey weapons, the kid uses like big guns.” LaBeouf went on to tell the audience that he will be playing all of the leading roles, except for April who will be played by Rose McGowan. “I’m going to be like Eddie Murphy in The Nutty Professor, but with lots of fighting and explosions.”

More in the Works

When the ever-exuberant Fallon asked him if he had anything else in the works, LaBeouf told the audience that he had been tapped by a collection of directors and producers to star in a wide variety of sequels and remakes of classics. He is reportedly in talks to play Cade Skywalker, Luke’s grandson in Star Wars Episode X (Lucas is reportedly skipping ahead three episodes again).

LaBeouf concluded, “We’re also looking to create modern versions of ThunderCats, The Masters of the Universe, Voltron, and I’d really like to sink my teeth into some heavier material like Blade Runner, and Isaac Asimov’s Foundation Series. The opportunities to completely destroy these stories are pretty endless.”

Later that evening Michael Bay tweeted:

“Shia’s going to play Doug in my live action remake of the Nickelodeon show. Wait until you see the guns we have for him.”

“Shia’s good looks, and endless confidence make it easy to ignore the fact that he can’t act. When you’re producing or directing a property like the Ninja Turtles, Indiana Jones or Star Wars, you know that the tickets are going to sell regardless of quality, so good looks and confidence are all we really need,” said Steven Spielberg.


2 thoughts on “Breaking News: Shia LaBeouf to Destroy More Childhood Classics

  1. If today weren’t April Fools Day, I’d think you were kidding. You ARE kidding right?


    Nice photo to accompany this piece too. But what dose sit have to do with the pos? Shouldn’t LaBeof be in it?

    Oh wait…there’s a right side to that photo. I get it now….


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