Dress Same: Apple’s New iClothes

You are looking at Apple’s next product line: iClothes. Freshly leaked images from Apple’s product launch Keynote presentation show that Steve Jobs’ signature turtleneck, as well as his blue jeans are coming to an Apple Store near you.

The world’s most famous turtleneck was initially created by Japanese designer Issey Miyake, while Jobs’ blue jeans were produced by Levi. In addition to a television, Jobs spent the last few years of his live trying to reinvent his clothing. He even went so far as to wear the only prototypes in public, and Apple is finally preparing to take the product to market.

The jeans and turtleneck will be branded “iPants”and “iTurtle.”

Features

We’ve come to expect Apple to redefine any product category it enters. Clothing is no different. iClothes have a number of incredible features that will change the way we think about fashion and technology.

Unibody Design

iClothes are completely devoid of seems. They are produced from a single piece of fabric.

Retina Thread Count

The fabric has a thread count approaching 1000. The material is weaved so tightly that you almost can’t even tell that there are threads at all.

MagSafe Closures

Apple has decided to do away with buttons and zippers. Instead iPants will fasten via a magnetic closure.

Full Body Antenna

Amid the multitude of threads, iClothes will contain an unseen antenna mesh effectively turning the human body into a giant wifi, 3G and 4G transmitter/ receiver that is only compatible with other Apple products such as the iPhone and iPad.

Color & Size Options

The iTurtle will be available in black at launch with rumors already swirling about a white version to follow. The iPants will be available in blue.

What All This Means

iClothes indicate that Apple is willing to revolutionize anything. It also will catch traditional designers off guard. Their lack of R&D will likely trigger a Silicon Valley talent grab by the fashion industry’s old guard in an attempt to beef up their technical prowess as well as their patent portfolios’.

Many bothans died to bring us this information.

Art by Jose Valenzuela

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